I’ve been waiting for this day to come for quite some time.
Finally, a chance to give back.
My journey teaching yoga began with my journey with cancer.
Not me. Directly. But someone who was very much a part of me.
I felt helpless, and never wanted to feel that way again.
I turned my life upside down. Left my job I loved in search of my passion, my purpose.
How can I help? Why am I here? What does life have in store for me?
I still am not sure what that looks like, but am getting closer.
Yesterday, I buttoned up the house and all of the beautiful boys in it and hopped in the van to head to Chicago.
Oh never did I think I would see the day when I was headed to my beloved city in a mini-van!
I headed deep into the city to meet my new teacher and new yoga friends for a teacher intensive, Yoga for Survivors.
I was reminded of how vulnerable it feels to try something new, and yet how exciting.
We began with introductions and a discussion on the meaning of cancer and healing. I was in a room of 10 women, all yoga teachers, some all ready working in cancer centers, others in radiation therapy. 2 were cancer survivors. All in some way affected by cancer. Really, is there anyone you know who has not in some way been affected by cancer?
The conversation was beautiful and open. Refreshing and hopeful.
Now, it was time to be present on my mat. Alone in a room full of people.
Our new teacher gave us 40 minutes to practice yoga on our own.
I had no idea where to start. I have had a headache for 4 days and I’m afraid of doing what’s familiar because my neck and shoulder have been in pain for so long. I don’t practice anymore. I teach. I have a strong underlying desire to find time to practice on my own.
She helped me into a heart-opening posture on my back.
Next, I cried.
I cried from the fear of hurting myself further, of being in more pain.
I cried from the fear of opening my heart, the fear of failure.
I cried in memory of loved ones and friends lost to cancer.
I cried for the children I know now with cancer.
I cried at the thought of my beautiful family back at home.
I cried for the younger version of me that has felt abandoned and that needs to grow up.
I cried in gratitude for the blessings of life and for the amazing people brought to me on this journey.
I cried because the preciousness of that very moment was overwhelming.
In fact, I’m still crying! I have no doubt that there will be many more tears over the next few days. Tears flowing of love, of joy, of gratitude, of overwhelm, of fear, in memory, of hope….
At this moment, I’m fresh and ready for another full day of training. I knew that I would return from this experience somehow different.
I know these days will be incredibly healing to me in so many ways and I so look forward to paying this forward.
Thank you for listening and much thanks to those of you who made this journey possible for me.
Reach out for support to make your dreams come true. It will show up in ways that you never imagined.